Lightning Halloween

As I forget now, my son who worked in Japan sent money to repay the old days, which made our couple very embarrassed.

One day, a police officer called me in the middle of the night. My son is at the police station. I was so surprised that the heart seemed to stop and my legs were shaking. There is no such thing as a son who listens to good words. I checked his name again and it is definitely my son. Parents should come because he is under 19 years old. My husband and I ran to the Manhattan Police Station in a hurry.

When a child always gets 100 points when as a child, is not he a genius? There are many parents who misunderstand. I also raised children same as one of those parents. There were times when I was disappointed as his score went down, and I was awakened slowly from the illusion, but was unable to accept the reality. He passed the puberty and became a sophomore in college. I felt relieved that he is grown up now. What a bolt from the blue!

Whenever I asked him to go the trick or treat, since he was a little kid, but he was only reading books at home. His girlfriend took him to the Halloween Parade. It was the case that it was caught by the report of a white grandmother in a Halloween parade wearing a Japanese imitation samurai sword. No matter how fake, iron is considered a weapon.

I took my son home after receiving a note to the court of downtown in Manhattan a month later. His record was scratched. The future was at stake, so I hired a lawyer and went to court.

A lot of people came to the court until 9:30 in the morning and gave a note to clerk, one by one, before the judge, and they were judged. The trial contents are various. A man who got caught spitting out of the running car, a person who was caught fighting back because store owner throws away his change in the store, a man who has fought with his wife. It is not a serious crime but once caught in police sight, if one’s luck is bad, he or she will be caught and left on the record. The lawyer will be appointed and the work becomes bigger.

He was ruled that the record would be cleared if he cleaned the park for one day. He will repay the attorneys' fees back then. I told him not to pay back, but He really want to pay back, so I have to win him.

New York City, the largest multiracial city, confirmed through my son why it is turning around in an orderly. To prevent not to go courts again, couple quarrels are killing sounds, and quietly. If you want to scream, go to Yankee Stadium. I guess why many people are excited about sports.

나이스 샷

쨍하는 맑은소리가 공을 잽싸게 밀어내며 높고 파란 하늘로 화살처럼 날아간다. J의 헤 벌어진 입, 날카로운 매 눈은 공을 쫓는다. 깃발 가까이 그린에 사뿐히 공이 떨어졌다. 

"나이스 샷~"

"팍" 

소리내며 흙 묻은 잔디 덩어리가 옆으로 널브러지며 공은 멀리 가지 못했다. L은 패인 잔디를 제자리에 묻고 발로 꾹꾹 누르고는 가까이 있는 공을 찾아 다시 쳤지만, 여전히 바람 빠진 풍선마냥 떨어졌다.

나는 카트 핸들에 턱을 괴고 두 친구의 골프 치는 모습을 구경했다. 멋진 폼으로 정신을 집중해 작은 공을 멀리 날려 깃발 밑 작은 구멍에 넣으려는 긴장감이 있어야 하는데 난 왜? 그 작은 구멍에 정성을 쏟아 공을 넣고 싶지가 않은지?

친구들에게 끌려 딱 세 번 골프장에 갔다. 처음엔 골프채도 잡아 본 적이 없는 내가 잘 다듬어진 잔디밭에 들어가기가 송구스러워 언덕에 앉아 골프가 끝나기를 기다렸다.

두 번째는 골프 연습장에서 스윙하려는데 옆에서 치던 남자가 답답했는지 

"그렇게 하는 것이 아니라~"

하며 갑자기 내 등 뒤에 바짝 다가섰다. 

"이렇게 치는 거예요."

그 남자의 찌릿한 땀내가 확~, 기분이 몹시 더러웠다. 내가 친 공이 하늘을 날지 못하고 땅속으로 꺼지든 말든 웬 참견인지.

폼을 잘 잡고 정신을 집중해 공을 넣어 돈이나 번다면 모를까? 내 체질에는 맞지 않는다. 한번 골프 맛을 들이면 미친다는 사람들처럼 그 맛을 모르는 무지일지는 모르지만.

우리네 일상은 골프공을 작은 구멍에 반복해 명중해야 하듯 경쟁하느라 긴장 속에 바삐 산다. 그런 빠듯함에서 잠시나마 벗어나기 위해 골프장을 찾는데 그곳에서까지 아등바등하는 모습이 내키지 않는다.

J가 자신감에 넘치는 폼으로 신중하게 골프채를 휘두르니 하얀 공이 파란 하늘을 날아 깃발 가까운 그린에 또 떨어졌다. 

"나이스 샷." 

내 입에서도 토종 감탄사 

"아이고."

기쁨의 소리가 터져 나왔다. 이래서 골프를 즐기나 보다. J는 내가 알지 못하는 ‘파 4’를 외치며 신이 난 듯 뒤도 돌아보지 않고 카트를 급하게 몰아 다음 홀로 사라졌다.

푸른 잔디는 지는 해를 받아 힘없이 색을 잃었다. 

"집으로 돌아갈 시간이 된 것 같은데 J와 L은 언제나 가려는지?"

Nice shot

With a sharp, clear sound, the ball flew like an arrow into the bright blue sky. J's mouth was slightly open, her sharp hawk-like eyes following the ball. It landed gently on the green, close to the flag.

"Nice shot~"

A chunk of grass and dirt flew off to the side, and the ball barely moved. L carefully placed the turf back into the divot and pressed it down with her foot. Then she hit the ball again, but it still landed weakly, like a balloon with no air.

I rested my chin on the golf cart handle and watched my two friends play. Golf is supposed to come with tension — focusing your mind, making that perfect swing, sending the small ball flying into a tiny hole beneath the flag. But me? I don’t really feel like putting my energy into getting the ball into that little hole.

I’ve been to a golf course only three times, always dragged there by my friends. The first time, I had never even held a golf club before. I felt awkward stepping onto the perfectly trimmed grass, so I just sat on a hill and waited for the game to end.

The second time, I was at the driving range trying to swing when the guy next to me must’ve gotten frustrated.
“That’s not how you do it~”
he said, suddenly stepping close behind me.
“This is how you swing.”
His sweaty scent hit me — ugh, it was such an unpleasant feeling. Whether my ball flew or sank into the ground, what gave him the right to interfere?

Maybe if hitting the ball and getting it into the hole meant making money, I’d be more motivated. But honestly, golf just isn’t for me. People say you can get addicted once you get a taste for it — maybe I’m just ignorant of that thrill.

Our daily lives already feel like a game of golf — constantly trying to hit a small target, under pressure, competing, staying tense. We go to the golf course to escape that pressure, not to carry it with us. So struggling there too? It doesn’t appeal to me.

J, full of confidence, swung her club again. The white ball soared into the blue sky and landed near the flag.
“Nice shot,”
I found myself saying — but in my own way:
“Aigoo.”
A little burst of joy escaped me. Maybe this is why people enjoy golf. J, shouting something I didn’t quite understand — “Par four!” — raced off in the cart to the next hole, not even looking back.

The green grass began to fade under the setting sun.
“It feels like it’s time to head home,”
I thought,
“but when will J and L be ready to leave?”

놀람 교향곡

올여름이 덮지 않아서였나? 실로 오랜만에 맞이하는 한국 가을 날씨와도 같은 화창함에 집에만 있을 수가 없었다. 

도시락 들고 나가는 남편을 배웅하기가 무섭게 가는 청춘이 아쉬운 듯 밖으로 쏘다녔다. 오페라 공연, 재즈 축제, 미술관, 공원 등으로 헤매다 저녁에 집에 와 한술 뜨고는 잠에 떨어졌다.

9월 마지막 일요일 날씨가 좋아도 너무 좋았다. 친구가 링컨센터에서 하는 연주회에 가자니 신경 써 몸단장하고 나갔다. 지하철에서 나와서 우아하게 걷고 있는데 전화벨이 울렸다. 

“어디야? 정신을 어디다 두고 쏘다니는 거야” 

남편의 버럭 소리에 놀랐다. 
“가스에 뭘 올려놓고 왔길래. 빨리 집으로 가 봐.” 

저녁준비 한다고 올려놓은 된장 뚝배기의 불을 끄지 않고 나왔다는 생각이 퍼뜩 났다. 택시를 부리나케 잡아탔다. 택시 운전사에게 사정 이야기를 하며 빨리 가자고 했다.

"가스 불에 올려놓은 것으로는 쉽게 불이 나지 않아요."

택시 운전사의 말이 위로가 됐지만, 도어맨은 열쇠가 없고 열쇠가 있는 슈퍼는 출타 중이라니 불에 타들어 가는 아파트에 대한 오만 잡생각에 달리는 택시 안에서 초주검이 되었다.

운전사가 콘도 코너에 내려놓으며 

‘봐요. 불이 나지 않았잖아요." 

건물 밖까지 된장 탄 냄새가 확, 건물 안은 말도 못 할 정도로 진동했다. 도어맨도 당황해서 우왕좌왕하며 열쇠가 없어 결국에 소방관이 문을 따고 들어갈 수밖에 없었다며 미안하다고 했다. 부리나케 아파트로 올라갔다. 소방관이 꺼멓게 탄 뚝배기에 물을 부어 놓고 창문이란 창문은 모두 열어 놓았다. 문고리는 쓸 수 없이 망가지고 문짝도 드문드문 깨져 칠이 벗겨졌다.

냄새를 피우며 이웃을 놀라게 했다. 쥐구멍에 숨기라도 하듯 아파트 안으로 부리나케 들어갔다. 이웃집 남자가 나를 따라 부엌까지 들어왔다. 

"커튼에 불이 붙지 않은 것만도 다행이야."

된장 냄새를 풍기지 않으려고 그동안 얼마나 조심하며 살았던가! 동양인은 냄새나 피우고 말썽을 부린다는 인상을 주지 않기 위해 항상 우아하게 미소 짓거나 고상한 척을 하느라 힘들었다. 제복 입은 도어맨이 문을 열어주고 물건을 엘리베이터까지 들어다 주면 ‘팁을 줘야 하나? 마나?’ 하고 문 드나드는 것도 신경 쓰면서.

“앞으로 밖에 나갈 때는 저녁 준비 하지 마.” 

남편이 엄한 얼굴로 말했다. 드디어 나는 저녁밥 짓는 것에서 해방되려나 보다. 

Surprise Symphony

Maybe it was because this summer wasn’t too hot. The weather felt like a beautiful Korean autumn day, and I just couldn’t stay inside. As soon as I said goodbye to my husband who left with his lunchbox, I ran outside, like I didn’t want to waste my youth. I wandered around — to opera shows, jazz festivals, museums, parks.n In the evening, I came home, ate a quick bite, and fell asleep.

The last Sunday of September was too beautiful. A friend asked me to go to a concert at Lincoln Center, so I dressed up nicely and left the house. As I walked gracefully out of the subway, my phone rang.

"Where are you? What are you thinking, wandering around like that?"

It was my husband — he was yelling.

"You left something on the stove! Go home right now!"

Suddenly, I remembered. I had left the stove on with a pot of doenjang jjigae (soybean paste stew) while getting dinner ready — and forgot to turn off the gas. I quickly grabbed a taxi and told the driver the situation.

“It’s hard for a fire to start just from that,”

he said. His words gave me some comfort.

But the doorman didn’t have the key, and the building superintendent (who did have one) wasn’t building My mind filled with horrible thoughts of my apartment burning down. I sat in the taxi, close to fainting. When we got to the corner of my condo, the driver said,

“See? There’s no fire.”

But even outside the building, the burned soybean smell was strong. Inside, the smell was unbearable. The doorman looked nervous and said he was sorry. He had no key, so the firefighters had to break in. I rushed up to my apartment. The firefighters had poured water into the burned pot. Every window in the apartment was wide open. The door handle was broken, the door had cracks, and the paint was peeling. The smell shocked my neighbors. I quickly ran inside like I wanted to hide in a hole. One of the neighbors — a man — even followed me into the kitchen.

“It’s lucky the curtains didn’t catch fire,” he said.

I had tried so hard not to spread any smell of doenjang. As an Asian, I didn’t want people to think I was smelly or messy. I always tried to smile politely and act classy.
Even when the uniformed doorman opened the door or carried things to the elevator,
I always worried — “Should I give him a tip or not?”

My husband said with a serious face,

“From now on, don’t start cooking before you go out.” 

Maybe this means… I’m finally free from making dinner!

뱃살, 요걸 그냥

주위에서 떠드는 ‘노후 준비’가 남의 일이 아닌 듯 가까이 다가오고 있다. 예전엔 관련 기사에 눈길도 주지 않던 내가 요즘은 깨알 같은 글씨도 놓치지 않으니.

노후 준비를 남편과 함께하면 좋겠지만 나 혼자서라도 쉽게 시작할 수 있는 것이 무얼까? 우선 나에게 스트레스 주는 것들을 없앨 수만 있다면 하나씩 쓰레기 치우듯 정리하기로 작정했다. 그중의 하나가 ‘뱃살’ 요것이 항상 붙어 다니며 나를 언짢게 한다.

알고 지내는 동료 화가 오프닝이었다. 허리가 잘록한 원피스를 입었다. 예전에 없던 뱃살이 울리 불리 물결치며 거울에 비쳤다. 손 백으로 앞부분을 가렸지만, 옆은 어떡하고! 스카프를 양쪽으로 늘어트려 옆구리 살도 가릴 수밖에. 내 뱃살은 양반이다. 오랜만에 만난 어느 동년배의 뱃살은 가리고 덮어도 막무가내로 나왔다. 아주 곱고 가냘팠던 사람이…. 남의 일이 아닌 듯 겁이 덜컹 났다.

뱃살, 네가 뛰어봤자 내 배에 붙었는데 ‘요걸 그냥 확’ 하며 시작한 싸움이 생각만큼 쉽지만은 않았다. 한번 붙으면 절대 떨어져 나가려 하지 않는 뱃살이라는 것이 배꼽 밑에서부터 올라오다 옆구리로 퍼져 나가고 드디어는 명치를 치받고 올라온다.

“여자가 허리선이 사라지고 몸이 부풀면 다리가 휘고 여자로서의 매력은 끝이다. 항상 운동으로 같은 몸무게와 잘록한 허리를 유지 하도록 해라.” 

던 친정아버지 충고를 등한시했더니.

일단 먹는 밥을 줄였다. 특히 저녁을 조금 먹었다. 공 위에 배를 얹고 하루에 10분, 처음엔 배가 아프더니 견딜만해 졌다. 옆구리 운동, 윗몸일으키기 그리고 무릎 구부리고 다리 올리기를 자나 깨나 틈만 나면 했다.

‘모자란 듯 아쉽게 먹어라, 배고플 때 지방이 탄다.’는 사실에 물을 마시며 배고픔을 참았다. 배고픈 상태가 없어지며 정신이 맑아졌다. 하도 배를 들볶자 지쳤는지 밀가루 반죽을 치대면 부드러워지듯 단단했던 뱃살이 말랑말랑해지며 슬슬 달아나기 시작했다.  

바쁜 일로 방심하면 달아난 뱃살이 돌아오고 달아나고를 반복하며 내가 원하는 엉치뼈와 평행선을 긋듯이 납작하게 빠지라는 뱃살은 조금 빠지고 기력이 빠져 드디어는 지쳐 몸져누웠다. 기운이 빠져 누워있으니 만사가 귀찮고 살고 싶은 마음마저 희미해졌다. 노후준비가 아니라 죽으려고 환장했다. 건강을 잃은 후 납작한 배가 무슨 소용이란 말인가! 에라 모르겠다. 먹고 기운부터 차리자.

Belly fat

Old age preparation is approaching as if it’s not someone else’s business. I used to not give an eye to an article about it, but now have not missed the news.

It would be nice to do with my husband, but what can I start easily by myself?

First, I decided to clean up the mess one by one if I could get rid of stressful things. One of them always sticks to me like bally fat and it annoys me.

It was an opening for a fellow artist. I wore a dress with a tight waist. My fat belly waved in the mirror that was not seen in the previous. I covered the front with a handbag, but what about the side? The scarf will hang down on both sides to cover.

Compared to my friend's belly, my belly is fine. The fat belly of my friend who used to be thin was covered and covered, and it came out like a balloon. I was afraid as if it were not else’s business.

The battle with the belly fat wasn’t as easy as I thought. Once you get caught up, the fat belly that does not want to fall off, spreading from bottom the belly button to the sides and finally goes up to the pit of the stomach.

"When a woman's waistline disappears and her body becomes swollen, her legs are bent and her charm as a woman is over. Always keep the same weight and tight waist by exercising." I neglected my father's advice.

Once I reduced the food to eat. I especially ate a little dinner. I had to work side exercises, sit-ups and bend my knees and raise my legs.

In fact, ‘eat as short as I can. When I am hungry, fat burn.’ I drank water and endured hunger. My hungry state is gone and my mind is clear. The fat belly that was hard or tired started to run away with a soft and flabby.

When I was caress about busy schedule, my belly fat came back. My belly fat fell a little and my energy was exhausted. At last I was lay down.

What good is a flat stomach after you lose your health? Let's eat and cheer up.