Friday, November 21, 2014

Getting older

In the morning I woke up to the rustling sound of my husband, but I did not get out of bed. I’m sure I’ll get rid of the fatigue I stayed up all night, but I didn’t sleep again. I have no energy and I am not in a good mood.

“I have to die quickly," my mother-in-law repeats these days as if she had turned on tape recorder whenever she calls. If I could give up my life when I want to die, would I have to prolong it?

All of family-in-law, except for us, live close to LA and are good at mother. The surrounding people envy my mother-in-law, saying that she has gotten her daughter-in-laws well. But what should I do in the distance?

My mother-in-law has been raising five children without her husband, who has been abroad for long time. She doesn’t even have friends and she doesn’t go to church. She seems to have become depressed. 

When my father-in-law, who was very fond of me, bought me an expensive printing machine, when I gave birth to a second son. He told me that don’t just depend on your children and husband, do what you want to do to make your major alive, and spend your old age worthwhile. He was worried about the future of my mother-in-law, who can only do cook laundry and clean.

Both parents helped us a lot when we needed something. I do not even want to hear that my mother-in-law is suffering. So I am troubled by my bitterness by the annoyance accompanying the sorry.

It's not supposed to be solved the problem that children and parents live together. She had to find her hobbies from her youth. How could she learn a hobby when she was youth and had a hard time raising her own children?

My neighbor's father passed away recently after suffering from a long illness. She decided to kill herself if she is sick like her father and asked a sudden question. "What are you going to do?"

"Do you know how to die the most comfortable?" She asked with a smile. Now, I am laughing and talking about death, but someday I think I might desperately need a way to die without pain.

Getting older seems to be a pity enough to think about suicide.

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