Change is the way to live

It rained a few days ago, and now it’s pouring again. Ugh, this New York weather.

I opened the fridge—nothing to cook. I bundled up in my raincoat and headed to the door, but as soon as I pulled it open, the wind blew raindrops all over me. I was already soaked before even stepping outside.

Do I really need to go out in this weather just to buy groceries and cook lunch? I came back inside and started boiling dried anchovies to make broth. Should I make noodles? But no, on rainy days, my husband would much rather have handmade potato sujebi (dough soup). I could already picture the happy look on his face.

Sure enough, when I handed him a steaming bowl of potato sujebi, his mouth watered and he smacked his lips in delight. So I took my chance:
“Can we just have the leftover broth for dinner, maybe with some potatoes added?”
I figured if we just fished out the dough pieces and ate the soup later, dinner would be solved too. I expected him to complain, but instead he just said,
“Whatever.”
I was surprised. He used to be so picky about meals, always complaining. But somewhere along the way, those complaints stopped. Maybe he read that piece I wrote in the newspaper about his picky eating and felt embarrassed?

“You’ve started writing fiction now, huh?”
he said, after reading my article.
“You make stuff up so well.”
“Fiction? I wish I could write fiction. I don’t have the talent. I can barely write about my own memories and feelings. You think I’m making things up?”
“I don’t even remember half of what you wrote! If that’s not fiction, what is it?”
“You really don’t remember being that grumpy? I only wrote what actually happened. It’s the truth!”
“I’m not that awful, you know.”
He firmly denied ever acting that way.

But I told him,
“Don’t dwell on regret, don’t think ‘I should have been better.’ Just let go of those old bad habits, and life will open up in new and generous ways. Why hold on to things that only hurt you and others?”

Sure, I know airing my husband's flaws in the newspaper might be seen as embarrassing for our family. But if reading my words made him change for the better—even just a little—then so be it.
Honestly, I need to live a little more comfortably, too.

“You know, you’re a pretty decent person. They say old habits die hard, but you’ve changed a and in a good way. I’m proud of you.”
Then I added with a smile,
“Since we’re already tied together, let’s just try to live happily, hand in hand.”

Ah, marriage... Dragging it along, pulling each other forward, year after year.