I am here yesterday, but

"Is your birthday today?" "Oh my god! You remember my birthday for the first time in 30 years of marriage." I’m waiting for my husband to say what he will do for me, but he says nothing. "Thank you. Every single day has been good as if it was my birthday. This raspberry is enough for the birthday gift."

Is there any good birthday present that is as good as the ripe raspberry that my husband picks? These days, raspberries are in full bloom on the promenade that I walk every morning. I remember the old story of 'There is a snake in the place of a wild raspberry,' I stand by the side of the road and my husband picks the ripe raspberries from the woods. "Do you want more?" "No thanks. I'll leave something to eat tomorrow."

"Today is my birthday." "How many times is your birthday in a year? When I was a child, my grandmother and my mother scolded me if I was talking about birthday. The North Koreans do not have a birthday party." So my birthday was buried in a word of my husband. However, my husband mentions my birthday for the first time, so I am so shock. I look at my husband. His hair was white and lost his bad temper. How hard was he to feed families?

Rather than having a party or a gift, it is birthdays present that the husband who is picking up a bunch of wild strawberry is besides me.

I am gradually behind in my morning walks that I used to walk with my husband, because my left heap aches as I climb up the hill. There was a time when I wanted to grasp and hit his head that was disappearing without looking back. But now he is looking back, waits and gives a hand to come soon.  

Isn’t it that I disappeared from sight when he looks back? Isn’t he also going away from my sight where I can’t see him forever? Even if I can’t catch up him, I am grateful that I can walk and see his back. My husband's back is like a lamp that lights up a dark night road.

If someone asks, 'Do you want to be with your husband in the next life?' I don’t really want to. The cactus with thorns the whole body, if I gets closer and gives water and cares it becomes be annoying and withered. When it does not take care of it, it tries to attract attention, and it blooms. My husband is as difficult as a cactus that I can’t get close or far to him. I want to live my next life freely like the wind.

We are all dying. I can’t live forever, no matter how I struggle. Do not regret that "you were here yesterday." I am happy to be with my husband even if he is walking far away.