Why did I end up like this?

"Don't worry about me. All you have to do is make a good living. Don't come even if I die. I lived my life without regret as I wanted. What else more would I want? Do well to your husband. Spend your money on the children until they want to study. Above all, don't give up what you do."

Suddenly, my father stood up saying that he was going to the bathroom. A caretaker followed him when she saw my father's urgent appearance. The caretaker's help seems to have reached an absolute point. When I went to Seoul earlier, I could sit face to face with my father and talk like this.

Now lying in the hospital room, my father looks at me with neither food nor speech. Shrugging his shoulders, he says, "Why have I come to this?" 'Father!' I finally burst into tears.

My father's hometown is Archieoul, which goes a little bit from Walkerhill near Seoul. It was a community village where relatives lived together for over 400 years. When he was young, he studied writing in Seodang and graduated from elementary school and came into Sadaemun in Seoul. And sneaking sold a friend's bicycle to make travel expenses for Japan. His parents paid for the bicycle when they know that their son was missing.

My father chose the hard way because he thought that he could live a different life from others by opening his eyes to the wide world. "Just looking at people passing by in Manhattan for half a day can open your eyes to the world," he said. And he suggested me studying abroad.

There was no place to sleep, so he stayed up all night in Ueno Park for many days, and there were countless days when he only mixed soy sauce with rice. Having started out as a newspaper delivery service to learn how things were going in Tokyo, he worked in hotel kitchens and had a hard time finishing a junior college. As he had a hard time in his memory at that time, when I was studying abroad, he remitted money diligently, saying, 'don’t do work, just concentrate on studying.'

The father's life started like this, he earned and used the money as much as he wanted and thought death would be wonderful and clean. But the last scene of his life didn't go his way. His doctor said, 'It's because he eats a lot of good food and exercise for a long time!’

"What shall I write on your inscription, Father?" "Why did I end up like this? Write it." Bernard Shaw's tombstone, 'I thought this would happen if I lived for a long time,' passed through my mind.