A forgotten woman

Far away, people are chatting and laughing. I am looking for familiar face but there is no one.

As I climbed the hill, an endless sandy field emerged. The sand is dancing with the wind. Why am I alone in a desolate place? I feel frustrated and nervous, pushing my step and I do not know where to go. I look around but no one there. I wander the desert with a lonely and uneasy heart. My throat was dry and I looked for water. I opened my eye.

It is always alone in reality as in dreams. How many times a week does the phone call for me? There is very little but to come from my husband. The 30-year-old home phone was removed. I have an old-fashioned handset but I do not use much it.

"I do not make phone calls often." "Are you proud not calling?" I was startled by a friend’s reply." “It's not like that. I feel uncomfortable if I make a slip of the tongue, during chatting, read the feelings of the other person and convey my feelings." "Why are you so dry? That's not what people live."

I do not call unless I have a very urgent business. I feel uncomfortable when I say something on the phone. It is like aftertaste of eating food that has a lot of MSG after eating out. However when I meet, I chat well. This is because I want to have fun. I should call people in courtesy but I do not like to. Therefore, it is natural to be criticized by friends for being dry from time to time.  

I don’t call my sons either. Of course, I am happy to receive calls from them but holding on to busy sons and the old woman’s complaint will make them uncomfortable. So, I only talk to my husband and stay as my best friend. I live alone with my husband in real life, but in my dreams I am always alone. Deep inside, I deny it even my husband.

The most unfortunate woman in the world is a forgotten woman. Everything I’ve been together will be forgotten by the people I’ve been with, and will remain like one of the sand in the desert.