The Place the Wrong Train Took Me

Sometimes, taking the wrong train still takes you to a good place. Even if you get on the wrong train, if you wait without disappointment, you arrive somewhere new. On that journey, you may meet good people and reach a better destination. If you do not get on a train, you cannot go anywhere. If you miss one train, you can take the next one. On the way, we often have new experiences we did not expect.

In Seoul, I really wanted to get married. I was short and physically weak, so not many men wanted to marry me. A matchmaker introduced me to a man who was a doctor. His side said that I needed to add an apartment to make the marriage fair. They asked for an apartment.

My father asked me seriously, as if he wanted to know my true feelings.
“Do you want to add an apartment and marry a doctor? Or do you want to study abroad with that money?”
“I want to study abroad.”
“I knew it. Tall American men do not care much about height. Who knows, your partner may be waiting for you in America. Even if you do not marry, it is okay. Live freely.”

After becoming independent from my father, I moved into a dormitory at Adelphi University on Long Island. During my first Thanksgiving, it snowed for three or four days. I could not go outside. The school cafeteria was closed. I did not prepare food, so I starved for three days and could not stand it anymore. I called my father.

“Father, I want to go home. I really cannot live here.”
“Okay. You cannot come right away, so come after the snow stops.”

When the snow stopped and I ate, I felt better. I had already paid tuition, so I thought I should at least finish the semester. Whenever life in New York felt too hard, I called my father and cried, saying I wanted to go back.

“If it is really hard, come back. But you went all the way to New York. Have you been to Manhattan? Even if you just watch people walking there on the weekend, you can learn a lot. You should see Manhattan before you leave.”

I walked around the center of Manhattan and entered Central Park. I sat by the lake and watched people pass by. Seeing people enjoying nature and life, I wanted to live freely and beautifully like them. I delayed going back to Seoul and transferred to a school in Manhattan.

My father never once told me to finish my studies and come back. Every time I said I would return to Seoul, he helped me love New York and reassured me. I could not take the safe train called marriage in Seoul. I suffered and took a long, winding journey. But in the end, I arrived at the destination I wanted.

I looked at my husband, who was nodding off beside me. No, maybe I am still traveling toward my destination.