I was a kkondae, too

They say that a child who grows up with a strict, old-fashioned parent naturally becomes the same way. I always believed I was nothing like that. My own father never acted like a “kkondae” (a Korean word for an older person who forces their outdated ideas on others), and I took after him. I was sure I wasn’t that kind of person. When I saw someone acting like a kkondae, I would ignore them or walk away without saying anything.

But then I read something online:

“Everyone has a bit of kkondae inside them. A kkondae always thinks they are right and doesn’t listen to others. They talk too much about the past, brag about themselves, and give advice that no one asked for.”

That made me think—have I ever acted like that too?

I have an older sister who is very quiet, never interferes with others, and takes really good care of her health. One day, even though she didn’t ask me for help, I told her I would book her a COVID vaccine appointment. But she didn’t seem happy about it. She even said she didn’t really want to get the shot. I told her,

“Getting vaccinated helps protect others. It’s an act of love for your neighbors.”

I said it like I knew better. I was giving her advice—and realized later that I was being a kkondae.

Two weeks later, the day my writing was published in a newspaper, I talked to her again.

“Did you get the shot?” I asked.

“No,” she said.

“Why not? Is there a reason?”

“I’m waiting for the seal,” she replied.

“The seal? What’s that?”

“The injection that comes from God.”

She started talking about the Book of Revelation, and said things about COVID vaccines and the number 666. She spoke like she was preaching, full of energy, saying things she had read in The Epoch Times. I couldn’t really follow what she was saying—it was like she was speaking in tongues. I asked,

“Isn’t The Epoch Times connected to Falun Gong?”

She answered,

“No.”

At that moment, I realized that no matter what I said, she wouldn’t listen. She believed God would give her the shot himself. Why did I worry and try to act like I knew best? Why did I act like a kkondae? I regretted it.

I read that “kkondae behavior makes people lose motivation, and the damage they cause in organizations is sometimes called the kkondae cost. It means the harm they do to society is serious.”

By acting like a kkondae to my sister, I discouraged her, and I felt regret and emotional stress. That was my own kkondae cost. From now on, whether someone wants a vaccine or the seal from God, I will keep my mouth shut and stay out of it—like watching a fire from across the river.