Friday, April 27, 2012

There's no free

"Shall we sit down on that hill over there?" A man who neither big nor small who wore a blue shirt and beige pants neatly asked me. He was as attractive as James Dean. His freshly dried clothes in the sun smelled fresh. We sat silent on the hill until the red sun disappeared over the horizon. He got up and went down the hill. I got up too. He looked back and said, "I'll go now then," and I said, "Yes, I will, too." Suddenly I plucked up my courage asked. "Would you like a glass of wine? I'll buy it." He eagerly searched the bar and sat across the table. In the meek candle, where the music played gently, we toasted our glasses without saying a word.

It is about my dream of drinking wine with a man I met in college. I was hungry in the dream. I guess last evening dinner wasn't much?

Why did the man in my dream meet me at 3 p.m. after lunch and break up at 6 p.m. before dinner? I am so curious to think that more than 30 years later.

He didn't look like money was missing. He was a neat looking guy with a white face and clean clothes, but he broke up with me after meeting him without ever having a meal together. Did he have indigestion? If he thought he didn't like me enough not to eat with me, he supposes has not contacted me often and not met me many times.

"Why did we always have to meet after lunch and break up before dinner?" I wanted to ask him in the dream.

Before marriage, my husband worked at a Broadway wig wholesaler in Manhattan for a meager salary, but also bought me meals and drinks. Sometimes he bought me a dish and took me to a fancy cafe in Soho. Even if he wore damp smell clothes that he had just washed from the washing machine because he didn't have enough clothes to change.

After getting married, it turned out he had a lot of loans. He couldn't pay back his student loans by buying me a drink. I didn't have loans. I felt unfair, but I couldn't even complain and have to pay it back because of the price of food and drinks I had while dating.

I should have listened to my father. "Do not like free. There's no such thing as a free lunch. If you have free things, you’ll have to pay them back many times later."

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