왜 꿈속의 그 남자는 대학 시절 나와 만날 때마다 점심 후 3시에 만나 저녁 전 6시에 헤어지곤 했는지? 30여 년이 지난 지금 와 생각해도 궁금하고 섭섭하다. 돈이 없어 보이지는 않았다. 하얀 얼굴에 말끔한 옷차림을 한 깔끔한 멋쟁이였는데 한 번도 식사를 같이해본 적 없이 만나다 흐지부지 헤어졌다. 소화 불량증이라도 있었나? 내가 함께 밥을 먹을 만큼 마음에 들지 않아서라고 생각하기에는 연락도 자주 하고 여러 번을 만났는데.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
세상에 공짜는 없다
왜 꿈속의 그 남자는 대학 시절 나와 만날 때마다 점심 후 3시에 만나 저녁 전 6시에 헤어지곤 했는지? 30여 년이 지난 지금 와 생각해도 궁금하고 섭섭하다. 돈이 없어 보이지는 않았다. 하얀 얼굴에 말끔한 옷차림을 한 깔끔한 멋쟁이였는데 한 번도 식사를 같이해본 적 없이 만나다 흐지부지 헤어졌다. 소화 불량증이라도 있었나? 내가 함께 밥을 먹을 만큼 마음에 들지 않아서라고 생각하기에는 연락도 자주 하고 여러 번을 만났는데.
Friday, April 27, 2012
There's no free
“Shall we sit on that hill for a bit before we go?”
The man, dressed neatly in a light blue shirt and beige pants, wasn’t particularly tall or short, but something about him stood out. From the side, he looked a little like James Dean—cool and charming. His clothes, fresh and crisp as if just sun-dried, gave off a clean and pleasant scent.
We sat silently on the hill, watching the crimson sun sink beyond the horizon. When he finally stood up and started down the hill, I followed. He turned back and said,
“Well then, I’ll be going.”
That was a dream I had last night—probably because I didn’t have a proper dinner and went to bed hungry. I dreamed I was drinking wine with a guy I briefly dated in college.
Before we were married, my husband used to work for low wages at a wig wholesaler on Broadway in Manhattan. Still, he always made sure to buy me meals, drinks, even cook for me sometimes, and once took me to a fancy café in SoHo. Even though he often wore clothes straight from the washer, still damp with that musty laundry smell, I thought his willingness to feed me meant he really liked me. Whenever he called for a drink, I’d rush out to meet him.
After marriage, I found out he had a mountain of student loans. He said he hadn’t been able to pay them off because he spent all his money buying me food and drinks. I didn’t have any loans when I studied, so I was a bit bitter—but what could I do? It was the price of all the meals and drinks I enjoyed during our dating days. I couldn’t exactly complain to my parents.
I should’ve listened to my father’s words:
“Don’t expect anything for free. There’s no such thing in this world. And if something seems free, you’ll end up paying for it many times over later.”
Saturday, April 7, 2012
낯선 곳에서 만난 두 사람
로마 터미널 가는 기차선로 변에 듬성듬성 핀 개 양귀비의 짙은 주홍색이 눈을 찌를 듯 하늘거렸다. 그 선명한 주홍색은 공회당 계단에서 동료의 칼에 피를 뿌리며 죽은 시저의 혈흔인 양 폐허 속에서 흐드러지게 피어 나를 자극 했다. 슬프게.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Two people I met in a strange place
“This train goes to the Rome terminal, right?”
As soon as we arrived in Florence, he told us to email him if we needed anything and hurried off to school. My husband and I sat by the hotel window until sunset, silently staring out at the sea of red rooftops packed tightly together, imagining the joys and sorrows behind each window.
As we got ready to get off the train, we waved goodbye, and he asked,
“Where in Florence are you going?”
He explained that there were two different stations in Florence, and we needed to get off at the next one—Santa Maria. If he hadn’t told us, we would have been lost wandering the night streets.
After we got off, he stayed behind for a while, making sure we were okay before leaving. His thoughtful presence stayed in my mind. Throughout the rest of our trip, I found myself looking around, hoping to see him again. But we never did.
We also never saw our son again on that trip. He sent a short email:
“Ciao. See you in New York.”
And we left Florence.
On the tracks to the Rome terminal, I saw scattered wild poppies in brilliant crimson, swaying in the breeze. Their color struck my eyes like blood-red flames. That vivid red, blooming in the ruins, reminded me of Caesar’s blood spilled by the hands of his comrades on the steps of the Senate. And it made me feel, strangely, sad.