What's a green card?

“My brother-in-law is getting married!”

“What? All of a sudden?”

Seven years ago, my husband’s older brother lost his wife. He was quiet and shy, so he never really dated and lived alone all this time. And now—suddenly—he’s getting married? The woman is the one who’s pushing things forward. It turns out, she doesn’t have a green card. Everyone in the family started quietly wondering, “Is she just marrying him for the green card?” Even though I usually stay out of family matters, I couldn’t ignore this one.

“Mother, please make sure no one in the family brings up green cards in front of her.”

I myself got my green card through marriage after coming to the U.S. to study. Yes, I admit—I was in a hurry back then.

I remember the first time I went to L.A. to meet my husband’s family before our wedding.

After greeting the elders, we were walking into the dining room when one uncle (my husband’s father’s younger brother) called me aside. He looked me up and down and said with a disapproving face:

“You seem like someone with a lot of life experience. Are you marrying my nephew just to get a green card?”

It felt like getting punched in the face the moment I stepped into the boxing ring. I was paralyzed. There I was, far from home in a foreign country, and this was how I was being treated. I honestly thought about calling everything off. That night, I cried in the shower—loudly.

But then my father-in-law, a quiet man from North Korea who normally criticized the rough manners of other North Korean women, said something that changed everything:

“I like you because you’re kind and gentle. Thank you for marrying our son, even though he’s not much.”

If he hadn’t said those words… no matter how badly I wanted a green card, I don’t know if I could’ve gone through with the marriage.

It amazed me how two brothers—raised by the same grandmother—could be so different.
That uncle, with his harsh words and rude attitude, even drove his own daughter-in-law to divorce his son. He didn’t attend his own daughter’s wedding because she married an American.

Even after I got married, every time I visited L.A., I’d say politely, “Hello,” but before I could even finish, he would throw hurtful words at me again. Sometimes my father-in-law would speak up for me:
“Why are you saying such pointless things to her?”
Other times, he just stayed quiet and walked away.

That uncle had a hard life. Before the Korean War, he carried a load of dried fish and walked across the 38th parallel to get to Seoul. Later, in the early 1970s, he immigrated to the U.S. and became successful. But in his final years, he lost everything after a bad investment in Las Vegas. He couldn’t sleep and ended up dying alone in his garage. He’s now buried in the hot desert sand of Nevada. Still… how could he say so many cruel things in his life?

“Is it so wrong for someone with a green card to help someone who doesn’t have one? Isn’t marriage about helping and completing each other? Even if she marries him and leaves later, she’ll stay for at least two or three years. Can’t we just say we helped someone in need? Look at me—I’m doing well, aren’t I?”

I finally told my mother-in-law everything I had kept in my heart. She sighed, 

“Oh, that uncle… Even last time you visited, he said, ‘Artists only become famous after they die,’ and went on with more nonsense.”

Of course, not having a green card can make life hard and uncertain. But that doesn’t mean people get married only for that reason. If there’s love and the chance to fix immigration issues, isn’t that just a win-win? If someone has the ability to help their partner with something they lack, shouldn’t that be something we do with gratitude, not suspicion? Even good luck, when it passes by, might lie down and rest for a while if it finds a warm place.

So, my husband and I put everything aside, got on a plane, and flew out to attend the wedding.
We only hope that this kind woman will treat our kind-hearted brother-in-law well, and they’ll spend the rest of their lives happily together.