An acquaintance asked me. I don't even have the presence to show it up, and I just don't want to open my mouth. But why did I, who had no presence, talk so much in the past?
I've been lazy to open my mouth at some point. In addition, I am trying to meditate in silence. It would be better to say that it is preparation for silence, practice silence, and anguish of silence. This is because I want to make a habit of silence before meeting people after the pandemic.
A long time ago, I remembered the Won Dharma Center, where I stayed for a few days. According to the rules there, I started 'noble silence' from the first day. When I shut my mouth, my eyes opened wide and a lush green forest was close in the distance. The ears opened and the grass bugs' cries sounded like playing various instruments in the orchestra.
I found 'meditating silence' on YouTube. It's not about not talking, it's about speaking less and opening your ears to listen to what the other person is saying. But I guess I'll have to get into the habit of keeping my mouth shut first. Even if not, there has been less talk since a few years ago. Rather than trying to reduce it, it was because I had a sore throat when I talked a lot, and then caught a cold and was ill for a few days as if I was punished. The number of words decreased a little, but the ears still didn't open.
I got a call from my male college classmate.
"Do you remember who I am?"
I don't remember the name, but I remembered the voice immediately. I was very glad to hear from him. The moment my long chat was about to unfold,
"Can't we meet and talk?"
"Why? I'd like to talk a little more on the phone now.”
"A bit like that."
I wanted to talk for a long time comfortably. I told him to come to my house the next day. He showed up with his wife. It was such a short meeting in my life, but I was glad as if we knew each other's circumstances.
He was a returning student, so he was three or four years older than me. He said that he couldn't talk on the phone because he couldn't hear me well. Even though I spoke loudly, his wife whispered to him as if interpreting, because the classmate can't hear me. He can't even drink because he is not feeling well. He said it was not easy to chew meat because his teeth were not strong. The conversation didn't continue well because has a dim memory he couldn't remember the names of our friends. Before the meeting, expectations crept away. The pulse was relived and lost interest. I felt very sad.
Whenever I think of the college mate, should I just keep chatting, making excuses that chatter is something I can do when I'm healthy? Is silence meditation really necessary in a social dream state where face-to-face, conversation with people disappears due to the changes in life that the pandemic has brought to our daily lives over the past two years? While thinking about it, I comfort myself by saying, 'but that's not true. Even if I don't meditate silence, let's make a habit of silence.’
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