What do you want me to do

A group who don't wear masks approaches and surrounds me. I woke up from anxiety that I might catch the virus. It's 2 am. I fell asleep again after abdominal breathing a few times. Suddenly, I remembered my late mother-in-law. I wake up again. 

My mother-in-law, who died last year at the age of 96, went to bed at 9 and woke up at 3 in the morning. She at least slept 6 hours. The problem was that she always complains while carrying insomnia pills, saying she suffers from insomnia. 

“Mother-in-law, you went to bed at 9 and woke up at 3, didn’t you get enough sleep?” 

“I woke up at 3 in the morning, how did I get enough sleep?” 

“Then go to bed later and wake up later.” 

"I'm sleepy at 9 o'clock, so I can't sleep later." 

Then what am I supposed to do?

"I called because I was bored." 

"Watch TV. These days, Korean soap operas have a lot of fun things.” 

"TV is not fun for me." 

I tried to say, "Just read a book," but I swallowed it back. She held on to me who was busy and said the same thing over and over again. I, resembling a cactus, said to my husband, sharply as if poking with a thorn. 

“I can’t hear the same thing I’ve been hearing for more than a decade. Call your bored mom first and make her feel better." 

"So, the deceased father must have been worried about my mother, who only knows how to cook and do laundry. 

My mother-in-law, who stopped doing what she has been doing all her life, constantly called people around her because she was bored. She often called not only her children but also people she knew around her, and she even heard them screaming, "Please don't call me." She has been pondered over her marriage that hard living with her mothers-in-law, the Korean War, and her resentment towards her husband, who had been away from home for whole her life. Then, when she remember the bad memory, she used to cry. My mother-in-law, who was scared of long nights and bored of long days, often said, "I should die quickly." 

These days, older people who know how to use computers are busy accessing various information through YouTube and applying it to their lives. Or there are many people who fall into religion and read the Bible or pray and live busily. It may be disinformation YouTube, or it may be an escape from reality as a slave to religion, but if do not force it others, people around will not be disturbed. 

Meetings in life are very important. Human happiness and unhappiness are determined by meeting. I met good parents. And my husband isn't that bad either. My children were also lucky enough to meet. always thank them If I am truly grateful, I should not cling to them just because I am bored or lonely. Accept solitude as a part of life, and I promise to live my own creative life so as not to waste my family's time and energy.