Grumpy Geum-ja si

I recently met an old friend and had dinner with him. When I told him that someone he knows wants to meet him.
"Ah! The grumpy Geum-ja."
He seemed to be reluctant to meet her. The term "grumpy Geum-ja" comes from the movie title Sympathy for Lady Vengeance. Even though several days have passed, the phrase "grumpy Geum-ja" keeps spinning around in my head, like it was meant for me to hear.

Lately, there are many "grumpy Geum-ja"s around me. They’re women in their early 50s who have entered menopause. First of all, I am the representative of these grumpy Geum-ja’s. Until I was 30, I was busy studying, working towards my master’s, and it caused quite a stir. Some friends couldn’t marry because they were focused on their studies, while others married later in life. After having children later, they raised them like grandparents would raise their grandchildren. Once their kids were sent off to college, they started focusing on careers they couldn’t pursue earlier. And all of this happened alongside menopause.

Some friends have used their education and become successful, while others are trying to catch up with the ones who are doing well. A few gave up and chose different paths. Now, in their early 50s, those who have settled into a stable life are doing well, while others are still struggling. Those ahead of the game are stressed because they have to keep running to maintain their position, while those behind are frustrated that they can’t catch up. Some friends who have given up on their dreams are still bitter, unable to let go of the things they wanted to do.

It feels like an endless marathon. In the Olympic marathon, you finish once you reach a set distance. But in the marathon of life, there’s no set length. We’re running this marathon of life, with no finish line, until death, all while dealing with stress.

When we meet occasionally, my friends are less grumpy. But if we see each other too often, the grumpiness starts to surface. So, I always remember what my father used to tell me: “Do not be too close, and do not be too far away,” quoting Tao Yuanming. If you’re too close, you become grumpy and hurt your friend. If you’re too far, your friend feels hurt and disappointed. Either way, we end up hurting each other, so some friends choose to just stay away and live without seeing each other.

I once heard that when a monk hasn’t reached enlightenment, he retreats into the mountains. But once he attains enlightenment, he comes down from the mountain. Maybe when these grumpy 50-year-old women gain some enlightenment, they will turn back into the kind and caring Geum-ja by the time they are 60!