It was an exhibition by an artist from Seoul. I was introduced to the artist’s wife. She was tall, intelligent-looking, graceful, and had a kind face. She quietly listened to people with a thoughtful expression.
Then, I suddenly blurted out,
“I’m also an artist’s wife, so I know how hard it must have been for you.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. She looked at me and said,
“Hearing you say ‘so hard’ makes me feel like I can finally speak honestly.”
And then her story came pouring out—how she worked a full-time job while supporting her husband.
Being married to an artist is really not easy. First of all, there’s no steady income. They want to work full-time on their art. They need a large studio. Art supplies cost a lot—but if you mention it, it just sounds like nagging. Maybe being a writer’s wife is easier. A writer just needs a laptop and a small room. Sure, writers have their own struggles too, but artists use up a big space, create and destroy tons of work, and even when they finally finish a piece—they might not be able to sell it.
For an exhibition, you have to take photos of the work, write texts for pamphlets, transport the artwork, and prepare the opening. All of this costs a lot. Once they become famous, galleries help—but until then, it’s the wife behind the scenes doing everything. That’s the real struggle. Becoming famous is like winning the lottery. After graduating from art school, they start running toward their dream. Many give up along the way, again and again. Even when a couple works hard together without giving up, it’s still hard to reach the finish line.
If the artist gets a little recognition, it often seems like they did it alone. The wife who supported everything ends up forgotten. I once heard a slightly successful artist say:
“Just looking at my wife reminds me of the hard old days. I don’t like it.”
He started going out more, avoiding his wife, and ended up having a thing with a younger woman. In the end, the loyal wife is abandoned. Some artists are grateful for their wives, but many men—when they succeed—get surrounded by young women. Of course they prefer someone young. Who would choose their aging wife? But to be honest, I haven’t seen a single artist who did well after abandoning the wife who supported him through the hardest times.
Artists often think they’re special, chosen for their talent, and refuse to compromise. They’re sensitive too, which makes it even harder on their wives. I don’t know about other artists, but let me tell you just one small example from my husband. One time, we went out to eat. The restaurant brought out lots of side dishes.
“Did these side dishes go back and forth from another table?” he asked.
“They look fine. Why say that? What did the side dishes do wrong?”
His face darkened as he quietly chewed some radish kimchi.
“We always go to the restaurants you like. This time I picked. Who complains about too many side dishes? Fine, don’t eat. I’ll eat them all.”
So I ate every last bit of the side dishes. He got annoyed and ruined the whole day, just because I didn’t take him to that one place that only serves kimchi with soup.
Sigh. Sometimes I think I’d be better off becoming a monk in the mountains. Would they even accept someone my age? What if I bring enough money? I keep looking around like a fool, thinking of ridiculous things like “what a hard life.” But if I don’t let off steam with these silly thoughts, I don’t think I could survive as an artist’s wife.