Before the onset of vertigo

 "You've changed the bedspread again. Don't you do the laundry too often?" 

My husband asked me why are you working hard. 

"I must do it before I get vertigo again." 

 A few days ago, I started to feel dizzy. When I close my eyes, the waves come toward my forehead or a hazy object moves back and forth from side to side. Did I lose my immunity? At the end of December 1989, vertigo first came. It was a very cold day. When I returned home after giving birth to a child at the hospital, it was freezing cold in the house. The bills that were overdue due to living expenses piled up, and the refrigerator was empty. The postpartum care was a story about a distant town that had nothing to do with me. 

 Suddenly, my head was spinning. The ceiling and floor fluttered up and down like waves. It was as if someone had put me in the washing machine and turned it around. I struggled, raising my hands toward my husband and screaming for help. As if the washing machine had accelerated, my head turned faster. I vomited and had diarrhea. The child cried and the husband was at a loss for what to do. I wanted to call an ambulance, but even I didn't have the money to buy baby formula. I'd rather die than get a hospital bill and get dizzy again. I held out for life or death. 

 Since then, vertigo develops when stressed on a chilly day. When I wake up after taking meclizine, I feel dumbfounded as if the clear sky is teasing me after the storm, saying, "You were surprised, right?" Now I can notice the symptoms of vertigo. Stop what I am doing and take medicine before I get dizzy. 

 When I toss quickly while sleeping and even if I get up suddenly as soon as I open my eye in the morning, I feel dizzy. It's been a long time since I gave up driving. I have to keep my composure so I don't get stressed out. I need to do my work in advance due to dizziness that I don't know when it'll come in. I pay my bills, make kimchi, and clean up the house right away. It's because I want to lie down in a clean and tidy house even if I'm sick. 

 "Don't bother me, I feel like my head is spinning." 

My family doesn't bother me with my cold words. However, there are sometimes I'm swayed by acquaintances. I don't want to be dragged into the quarrel, so I keep ignoring it. This is because if I cut in while answering back, my head will spin. 

 Vertigo is a very painful symptom, but with the feelings, I received on the day I die, I live a diligent life as if there is not much time left. I have developed a habit of working hard because I have been living in preparation for vertigo that may come. If I live with vertigo as a part of my body and use it in a good way, it is not necessarily bad.