What is my worry?

My poor mother-in-law, who suffers from insomnia every night, has had a hard time living with my grandmother-in-law for 50 years.

"Don’t shine your husband shoes?" came up to me who drinking coffee under a quiet backyard palm tree. The grandmother-in-law also said, when I was trembling to go out in the car. "Come on, do not wipe the car?”

I went to my in-law house in L.A. to prepare for the wedding. The Grandmother-in-law kept nagging a busy grandchild-in-law.  So how much did she scold her daughter-in-law?

The year of Il Sung Kim’s death was 1994. I knew that if Il Sung Kim dies, it would be unified. It is because the desire of "unification" which was circulating in the mouth since childhood. The same year my grandmother died.

The expectation that my mother-in-law would spend comfortable old age away from the shadows of the grandmother-in-law went wrong. The mother-in-law goes out and says that she should go home as if the grandmother-in-law is waiting at home at dusk. If she didn’t return home until sunset, she punished for her life. I wonder if the grandmother-in-law is calling her, she wants to go to the afterlife as soon as possible.  

She escaped from Hamkyung-do, North Korea and lived in Habangchone under Namsan in Seoul. US Army fighter jets bombed the People's Army Base, which was installed at the top of Mt. Namsan to catch US Army fighter jets. When People’s Army occupied Seoul, the surrounding area was all about hell. The mother-in-law was bombarded right in front of the house and witnessed her neighbor dying from the blood of a broken body, crying for water. The moment she stepped out of the door to draw water, the figure of the army soldier who fell down in front of the people's army guns while being crying for the civilian clothes was stamped on her memory for life.

As soon as she left home to go to next door to comfort from fear, the house was hit by a direct. While returning home, the paper money that the grandmother-in-law kept in the ceiling was completely crumbled. She put it in the basket and attached a few pieces, and got tired and threw it away. Are these pitiful memories circling the minds of the mother-in-law like a faded black-and-white photograph?

I felt strange to see the mother-in-law sobbing at the funeral of the grandmother-in-law. Is it because most of the mother-in-law's feelings were through the grandmother-in-law's nagging? And it is because the object has disappeared?

What is my worry about staying alone almost without meeting people? I stare vacantly out of the window.