Confession of a miser

How many more chances will there be to travel with my sons? After they get married, I don't want to get involved in their lives. However, we spend much more money than when my husband and I travel. We pay all costs.

First of all, I focus on hotel location in the travel destination. If I am tired from walking, I prefer a place where I can take a rest and walk again and where I can eat breakfast. And it has to be clean. Otherwise, I lose my appetite and get tired of being so dirty. I don't shop at all, but my hotel costs a lot.

My husband doesn't care about anything clean. He only wants to eat in a good restaurant. He orders seafood mainly because he doesn't like to eat meat. Drink two or three glasses of beer or order a bottle of wine during a meal. I'm not interested in eating because I feel comfortable and light-body after eating a little.

However, I don't know if my son was born and raised in the United States, he must order an appetizer and a main dish, and have juice for lunch and a glass of alcohol for dinner. Also he eats ice cream on the way to the hotel. He even orders an appetizer for us, saying he wants to taste it evenly.

When the son and husband are tired while walking, they try to ride Uber and take the first class train. Who knows what's inside of me that I can't tell them not to do it? Every time we go to a new place, we visit the old cemetery in the city. When I die, I can't take money to the tomb. 'Let's spend money.' Instead of hurting the feelings of son and husbands because of money, I decide to do everything they want, but then come back. I guess I have to visit the cemetery sometimes to find myself feel comfortable.

"Since you've been living as a miser, it is not a habit to use money," my husband said, urging me to use money. It's not wrong. Fortunately, the sons and our couple are well connected both culturally and artistically. So the place we want to see and go is the same.

If they get married, we can't spend time with them. Even if in-laws pay for the trips, which daughter-in-law would want to travel with us? In particular, unlike us who like to wander around the back streets, it is tiring to imagine traveling with our daughter-in-law, who only loves shopping.

When we have the chance, I have to unwind the pocket money I've been grabbing, and travel together and enjoy the style they want. However, it's not that easy for this miser.

사랑방 손님과 생선

시댁 식구들은 가자미를 무척 좋아한다. 시어머니는 가자미를 박스째 사다가 손질해서 가자미식해를 담그고 그물망에 말려서 구워 먹고 조려 드신다.  가득이나 말이 없는 시집 식구들이 가자미를 먹을 때는 더욱더 조용하다. “생선은 맛이 살짝 가려고 할 때가 가장  맛있다.”고 시어머니의 말씀이 조용한 분위기를 깬다.

동서 부부가 보름 예정으로 LA에서 왔다. 왠만해서 누가 온다고 하면 받아주기를 꺼린다. 남편은 무조건 NO다. 하지만 동서 부부만은 예외다. 사흘이 지나도 냄새가 나지 않기 때문이다.

동서는 나보다 다섯 살 아래 1.5세다. 시동생은 집안에서 가장 상냥하고 손재주가 많다. 고칠 것이 있나 없나 집안을 둘러보고 홈디포를 들락거리며 고쳐준다. 고치다 모르는 것은 동서와 함께 유튜브를 들여다보면서 실링 펜도 달아주고 전기, 가전제품 그리고 물 새는 수도꼭지도 손봐준다. 중간중간 내가 힘들까 봐 워싱턴도 나이아가라도 다녀왔다.

영어를 잘하니 알아서들 잘 쏘다니다 저녁 찬거리를 사 와서 저녁도 차린다. 아침에 산책하고 돌아오면 커피도 끓여 놓고 우리는 각자 알아서 먹고 싶은 것을 먹는다. 설거지도 동서 부부가 한다. 샤워하고는 화장실도 깨끗이 치운다. 전혀 나를 귀찮게 하지 않았다.

동서는 직장다니며  LA에 사는 시집의 경조사를 다 한다. 지금까지 형님인 나에게 거들지 않냐고 한 번도 불평 불만한 적이 없다. 그저 자기 일만 묵묵히 한다. 동서는 항상 상대편 입장을 먼저 생각하고 배려한다. 타고나길 착하게 태어났고 개성이 고향인 친정엄마 교육을 잘 받은 듯하다. 음식 솜씨도 끝내준다. 남편은 옆에서 대한민국에서 개성 여자가 최고라며 띄운다. 무엇보다도 더 마음에 드는 것은 부부 사이가 무척 좋다. 사이 나쁜 커풀들과 함께 있으면 세시간만 지나면 냄새가 솔솔 올라온다. 나 스스로가 바람과 함께 사라지고 싶은 생각이 굴뚝같다.

주는 것도 받는 것도 싫어하는 나는 일단 상대를 배려하는 자세 그리고 상대가 할 수 없는 것을 해주고 공치사하지 않는 착한 사람에게는 나도 모르게 착해진다. 그러나 상대가 뭘 원하는지는 배려하지 않고 자기가 하고 싶어서 잘해주고 본인이 착한 사람인 듯 유난 떠는 사람은 무시한다.

친정은 서울에 있어 나를 귀찮게 하지 않는다. 나는 화가 남편 모시고 힘들게 살았다고 시댁은 신경 쓰지 않는다. 잘해주고 공치사하는, 본인이 착하다고 착각하는 사람은 상대하지 않는다. 우리 동서처럼 자기 일만 묵묵히 하고 나를 귀찮게 하지 않는 사람에게만 잘하면 된다. 사흘만 지나면 냄새 풍기는 사람은 ‘우리 와이프 건드리지 마.’라며 남편이 알아서 다 차단한다.

아무리 생각해도 나는 복이 많은 인간이다. Thank God.

Fish and guests smell after three days

My in-laws are very fond of flounder fish. My mother-in-law buys a box of flounder, drying it in a net, and cooking it. It is even quieter when the family members eat the flounder. "The fish tastes best when it's going to bad a little bit," her mother-in-law's words break the quiet atmosphere.

Brother-in-law couple came from Los Angeles for two weeks. I'm reluctant to have guests coming home. My husband is 'NO' unconditional. The only exception is the brother-in-law couple. Because it doesn't smell even after three days

Wife of one's husband's brother is five years younger than I am. She is 1.5 generation. My brother-in-law is the sweetest and most dexterous in the family in-law. If there is anything to fix, he is in and out of the Home Depot and he fix. He also put up a ceiling fan, and fixed electricity, home appliances, and leaky faucets. In the meantime, they had gone to Washington and Niagara Falls, because they felt sorry that they stayed too long at my home

They are good at English, so they wander around New York City well by them self. The wife cooks very well, so they buy groceries to make dinner. They do the dishes. After take a shower and clean the bathroom. They didn't bother me at all.

 The wife of one's husband's brother has a job. And does all the in-laws events in LA. Until now, she never complained that I didn't help with the in-laws' events. She just keeps quiet and does her work. She always thinks and cares about the other side's position first. She was born a good person, and I think she was educated well by her own mother, who was born in Gaesung. My husband says woman who was born in Gaesung is the best woman in Korea. What I like more than anything is that the couple is very good terms together. If I'm with bad couples, the smell comes up in three hours. I feel like I want to disappear with the wind myself.

I am the person who don't like giving or receiving, but I become a good person when I met someone who is caring for others and helps something that the other person can't do. However, I ignore people who doesn't care what the other person wants, but helps others of own interest.

My family is in Seoul, so they don't bother me. I don't care the in-laws because I had a hard time with my artist husband. I ignore people who don’t care what the other person wants. I am good to those who don't bother me Just like brother-in-law couple who do their work silently. My husband block all smelly people after three days, and said, "Don’t touch my wife's."

No matter how much I think, I'm a lucky woman. Thank God.

실버타운을 찾아서

크루즈에 중독된 러시아 친구가 있다. 그녀의 친정아버지가 ‘너 언제 돈 모아 집 살 거냐?’며 충고를 할 정도다. 그녀는 그동안 다녀 본 곳 중에 포르투갈이 가장 마음에 들었다고 은퇴하고 포르투갈로 떠났다. 나도 가서 살까? 생각만 하다가 일단 가 보기로 했다.

포르투갈 수도 리스본은 뉴욕에서 7시간 거리로 가깝다. 뉴욕보다 5시간 빠르다. 공항 수속도 빠르다. 곳곳에 팜 트리가 있는 지중해성 기후다. 가방을 끌고 언덕 위에 있는 호텔로 이동하기를 포기하고 공항에서 가격이 미안할 정도로 싼 우버를 탔다. 왜냐하면 길바닥이 온통 2.5인치 미색을 띤 자연석을 박아 놓았기 때문이다. 자기 전에 창밖을 내다봤다. 어두움 속에서 돌바닥이 물에 젖은 듯 반짝거렸다. 비가 왔다고 착각했다. 그렇게 반들거리는 돌바닥이 미끄럽지가 않다는 것이 신기했다. 곳곳의 건물 벽은 그 옛날 무슬림 지배하에서 온 모스크 사원의 흔적인 듯 타일이 박혀있다.

좁은 골목 언덕을 노랑 전차가 거의 사람들에게 닿을 듯 말 듯 정감있게 꼬불거리며 다녔다. 더럽지도 않고 그렇다고 아주 깨끗하지도 않다. 소박하고 부담 없는 작은 도시다. 마리화나와 알코올 등에 대한 법적인 재제가 없다는 데도 사람들이 친절하고 얌전하고 길에서 귀찮게 하지 않았다. 마켓 물가가 엄청나게 싸서 놀랐다. 특히나 와인이. 식당에 택스와 팁이 없다. 어느 식당이나 생선요리, 특히 내 남편이 환장하는 대구 요리가 다양하고 맛있다.

리스본에서 3시간가량 북쪽으로 기차를 타고 가면 포르투라는 도시가 있다. 갈 때는 싼 기차를 타고 3시간 20분 정도 아주 스무스하게 갔다. 그러나 올 때는 두 배의 가격으로 1시간이나 빠른 기차를 땄다가 하도 흔들려서 토하고 누워 왔다.

기차에서 사경을 헤매느라 포르투에 대한 기억은 가물가물하다. 남들은 리스본보다 포르투가 더 좋다던데.

“왠지 포르투갈이 나와 맞는 것 같아. 물가도 싸고 기후도 좋고 사람들도 젊잖고 문화 역사도 깊고 다른 유럽 도시처럼 화려하거나 거창하지 않아서 마음에 드는데. 어떻게 생각해? 이왕 고국을 떠나 떠도는 신세인데 이제는 유럽에서도 살아볼까?” 

남편의 대답이 없다. 그러고 보니 여행 내내 남편은 대구 요리 잘하는 식당만 찾는데 열 올렸다는 것이 생각났다. 

“화가는 은퇴가 없잖아. 화가가 살기에 뉴욕만 한 곳이 어디 있어. 물가가 비싸서 그렇지. 포크레인이 곳곳에서 올라가는 것 좀 봐. 곧 이곳도 비싸질 거야. 은퇴한 미국 사람들은 남쪽 바닷가에 많이 산다는데 그곳을 한번 둘러보고 나서.” 

“남쪽으로 가봐야 밋밋한 미국식이 범벅이 된 곳이겠지.” 

“마누라 혼자서 반년 살아보는 것이 어때?” 

갑자기 피곤이 확 몰려왔다.

가고 싶은 여행지에 대한 미련을 떨어내기 위해 이렇게 시간과 돈과 에너지를 쏟을 필요가 과연 있을까? 내 편한 보금자리를 비워 놓고 떠났다가 오고를 반복하는 나 자신을 이해할 수 없다는 생각에 허탈해졌다.

Looking for Silvertown

I have a Russian friend who is addicted to cruises. Her father once asked her, 

“When will you save money and buy a house?” 

She said the place she loved most from all her travels was Portugal. So, after she retired, she moved there.

I thought, “Maybe I should live there too?” I didn’t decide right away, but I chose to visit first.

Lisbon, the capital of Portugal, is only 7 hours from New York. It’s 5 hours ahead of New York time. The airport process was fast. The weather is Mediterranean, with palm trees everywhere. I didn’t want to pull my suitcase up the hill to the hotel, so I took an Uber from the airport—it was so cheap, I felt almost guilty.

The reason I didn’t walk is because the streets are all made of 2.5-inch beige stones. That night, I looked out the window before bed. The stones on the ground were shiny, like they were wet from rain. But it hadn’t rained! I was surprised they weren’t slippery.

Some buildings had beautiful tiles on the walls—maybe from the old days when Muslims ruled this area and built mosques. A small yellow tram climbed the narrow hill streets, twisting its way very close to people walking by. The city wasn’t dirty, but not super clean either. It was simple and calm—a small city that didn’t feel stressful.

Even though Portugal has no strict laws against marijuana and alcohol, people were kind and quiet. No one bothered me on the street. I was shocked by how cheap the groceries were, especially wine! Restaurants had no tax and no tipping. Many places had delicious fish dishes—especially cod, my husband’s favorite.

About 3 hours north of Lisbon by train is a city called Porto. I took a cheap train there, and it was a smooth 3 hours and 20 minutes. But on the way back, I paid double for a faster train. It arrived an hour quicker—but it shook so much that I got sick and had to lie down. Because I felt so bad on the train, I don’t remember much about Porto. Some people say Porto is even better than Lisbon.

“I don’t know why, but Portugal feels right for me. The prices are low, the weather is good, people are calm, and there’s so much culture and history. I like that it’s not too fancy like other European cities. What do you think? Since I’ve already left my home country, maybe I should try living in Europe?”

My husband didn’t answer. Then I remembered—during the whole trip, he was focused only on finding restaurants that made good cod fish.

“As an artist, there’s no such thing as retirement,” he finally said. “Where else is better for artists than New York? It’s expensive, yes, but look—so many construction cranes here. Soon, Lisbon will also become expensive. Retired Americans usually move to beach towns in the south. Let’s check that out first.”

“But the southern U.S. is probably just full of boring American stuff,” 

I replied.

“How about you go live alone in Portugal for six months first?”

Suddenly, I felt really tired. I wondered, 

“Do I really need to spend all this time, money, and energy just to let go of my desire to live somewhere else?”

I felt empty, not understanding myself—why I keep leaving my comfortable home, then coming back again and again.