“If you could start your life over, what would you do?” This question from someone suddenly made me look back on my past.
At some point, I found myself living only in the present. There is a saying: "You need memory to have a past, expectation to have a future, and awareness to have the present." Like these words, I have deeply believed in the phrase, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." I had a very simple yet powerful belief: if I do my best at this very moment, both the past and the future will turn out well. Therefore, I did not look back with regret, nor did I want to waste time worrying about an unpredictable future. The only time I can control is right now, this very moment.
When I lose touch with someone, the relationship naturally fades and becomes a memory of the past. If they reach out to me, the connection is restored, and the relationship becomes active again in the present. However, since I cannot know if that bond will last into the future, I do not hold any expectations.
When trouble arises with people, I prefer to end the relationship quietly rather than wasting energy on emotional arguments. Perhaps that is why I have no lingering attachments or regrets about past relationships. When I meet people and say goodbye, I always think to myself, "Today might be our last day." Instead of making me sad, the thought that this could be our final meeting helps me stay fully present and enjoy every second of our time together. Of course, I don't expect them to contact me again after we part.
This habit of focusing entirely on the present became even stronger after I started writing for the JoongAng Ilbo. It has already been 20 years since I began filling that blank column. Before I started writing, my mind was full of bitter and sorrowful memories from the past. However, after pouring out the small fragments of my daily life onto the newspaper pages, my mind felt completely emptied. My past regrets, lingering attachments, and longings vanished entirely, as if wiped away by an eraser.
I let go of the past, and since the future is unpredictable, I leave room for excitement instead of expectation. Every morning, as I wake up to the sound of the rooster greeting the dawn, I truly believe that my upcoming destiny will always approach me with a kind and gentle face.
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