Drain cleaner and maid

It was raining in the morning, and the weather cleared brightly in time for the opening. “This is the weather for the opening.” I said to my husband with joy.

I do not know if it was a coincidence, the weather was almost bad every art exhibitions of my husband. Even when it exhibited in the nice San Jose in San Francisco, the heavy snow in New York didn’t flight any plane. During the middle of the night, we drove through Washington for nine hours, which usually takes four hours. We barely begged for the plane and go straight to the opening with bloodshot eyes.

The winter opening with the coldest record, the flood opening, he calls water because he was born in the year of the dragon. He was complaining that he had been pumping water all day long in a basement of the store, which he first day to got to work in difficult times. And the drain was blocked and he helped it, when we were invited to friend's house too.

Anyhow, my husband seems to have been destined to do work everywhere he goes. In the studio, there are many kinds of tools for digging drains. So His nickname is a digger. After marriage, as I arranged things in line with his fate I became a maid.

It felt good to stop raining on my opening day and be sunny. 

I was too far away to try to tell the story of a reader who had come to my opening from . Anyway, I was sitting a car in front of the gallery and looked out. As soon as an Asian woman tried to open a gallery door, I had a sense of being a reader and I jump out of the car and caught her.

She is a good impressive and a kind-hearted reader. She has come a long way in her courage as she read only my articles in the newspapers. I was very grateful and please. She has been reading my articles in the newspaper for a year and she regret not having read the old article. I e-mailed my blog address to see my last post and reply came. 'I‘ve been eating e a candy, and all of a sudden I feel have a box of candy.’ She writes well sweetly. 

Whenever I meet readers who know something, someone different from the average person, I feel like I don’t know myself, but I am thrilled at the idea that they are penetrating me.

니만 알고 있으래이

"니만 알고 있으래이." 

나만 알고 있기는 이미 알만한 사람은 다 알고 있는 별 볼 일 없는 일을 툭하면 비밀인 양 입버릇처럼 떠들던 나이 지극한 지인이 한국으로 떠난 후 주변이 정리된 듯 조용해졌다.  

이미 입에서 굴러떨어져 나간 말은 내 것이 더는 아니다. 그 사람이 그의 입으로 말하겠다는데 어쩌겠는가. 그렇게 중요한 이야기라면 아예 꺼내지 말고 어느 영화에서처럼 나무에 뚫린 구멍에 대고 토한 후 진흙으로 봉하던지. 일단 뱉어진 말을 

"꼭 니만 알고 있으락 했는디 와 캤노." 

따져바짜 또 다른 니만 알고 있으래이의 반복이다.

모두다 고만고만하고 그저 그런 삶을 사는 이 나이에 친구 대여섯 명이 함께 잘 지내다가 누구는 빼고 누구는 끼워주며 왕따를 한다. 껴 달라고 한 것도 아니고 정작 빠진 사람들은 바빠서 생각지도 않는 일을 무슨 피로 맹세한 동지끼리 기밀이라도 누설한 양 쉬쉬한다. 끼워주지 않아도 전혀 섭섭하지 않은 그렇고 그런 모임을 편하고 화기애애하게 이끌어가면 되지 누가 뭐래. 오히려 쉬쉬하는 것이 ‘뭔가 있긴 있나?’ 잠깐 의심이 들었지만, 있으면 그게 무슨 상관이란 말인가. 어차피 자기 인생 자기가 짊어지고 가야 하는데.

“뉴욕이 발칵 뒤집힐 일이 곧 터질 거야.’"

자신들의 이혼을 전쟁 포고하듯 거창하게 선포했다. 뉴욕은 여전히 조용했고 사람들은 이미 그들 부부의 잦은 싸움으로 ‘예상했던 일이 터졌나 보다’며 무덤덤했다. 

"왜 이렇게 조용한 거야?" 

하며 오히려 자신들의 속이 뒤집히지나 않았는지 모르겠다.

떠나온 모국에서 남의 일에 거품 무는 습속과는 달리 조그만 일이라도 다 자신이 처리해야 하는 바쁜 뉴욕생활에서 남의 골치 아픈 일에 엮이길 원치 않을뿐더러 관심을 가질 만큼 한가하지도 않다. 

"혹시 누가 나를, 나에게, 나에 대해서…" 

다 본인의 착각이다.

누가 뭐랬냐고? 왜 쉬쉬하다 ‘네가 그랬니, 내가 그랬니.’ 하며 난린지. 개인의 문제와 고민은 각자 해결하고 친구들과의 만남에서는 즐거움을 나눠야지 우리 나이에 누구 눈치 보며 쉬쉬하며 불안한 만남을 굳이 할 필요가 있을까?

"친구야, 그동안 내가 했던 이말 저말 다른 사람에게 다 전해도 난 상관없다. 너도 너 나름대로 사연과 사정이 있어서 ‘니만 알고 있으레이’라는 토를 다는지는 모르지만, 내가 알아서 하지 말아야 할 말은 안 하고, 할 말은 네가 하지 말라고 해도 할 거다."

그런데 나는 뭘 그리 잘났다고 이렇게 부질없는 이야기를 거창하게 긁적거리고 있는지? 

Keep it to yourself

"Nobody knows it. Only you know." When the old man who had been telling me that he would only speak to me as if it was a secret, but after he was leaving for Korea, the surroundings have become quite because the big mouth disappeared.

The words that have already rolled off my mouth are not mine. But what can I do if someone says in his or her mouth. If it is such an important story, do not pull it out at all. Once spit out, it can no longer be secret.

At this age, five or six friends got along well together. And then hey were bullying one or two of them including me. They were afraid that the people they bullied would reveal secrets. Even though it's a bit of a doubt, what does it have to do with me? I have to carry my own busy life anyway. I was not missing them at all.

"New York is going to be overturned soon." An acquaintance declared her divorce tremendously as if she were declaring war. New York is still quiet. People were not surprised because they had already become accustomed to the frequent fighting of the couple. I wonder if she was upset because people are so quiet about her divorce.

Unlike the habit of blowing other people’s affairs in my motherland, I do not want to be tied to other people's troubles, nor is it enough to be interested in busy New York life that I have to deal with even a little thing.

Individuals should solve their own problems and troubles, and should only share their joy in meeting friends. Do we need to look at someone who is uncomfortable in our age?

My friend, I do not care if you tell everyone else what I've been saying because you also have your own story and situation. I will not say anything I should not take care of but I will say if I want to even if you don’t want me to say.

But what am I writing such a silly story about being so good? Suddenly I miss my friends very much even though I got bullied.

체~키라웃! (Check it out)

맨해튼 다운타운 그랜드 스트릿 스튜디오에 30대 초반의 남자 서너 명이 모였다. 여니 때 같으면 술이나 먹고 예술이나 논하다 갈 터인데 철이 들었는지 머리를 맞댄 심각한 얼굴이 보통 날과는 사뭇 달랐다.

대부분 미술 대학을 나와 그림을 그려 보겠다며 뉴욕을 떠나지 못하고 어렵게 사는 화가들이다. 변변한 직장을 구하는 것과 하등 쓸모없는 전공을 하다 보니 마땅한 직장을 구하지 못하고 파트타임으로 하루하루 연명하는 처지들이다. 그렇게 하루 벌어 하루 사는 생활에 지쳤다나! 그렇다고 비즈니스 시작할 자금도 없다. ‘패들러를 하면 어떨까?’ 대단한 아이디어라도 내놓은 듯 흥분하며 떠들다 늘 그렇듯 술과 담배만 축내는 모임으로 끝났다.  

 “드디어 잡았다.” 

그 모임이 끝난 며칠 후 남편이 느닷없이 빗자루를 내려놓으며 흥분된 어조로 목청을 높였다. 브로드웨이와 케널 스트릿 코너에 있던 도넛삽 앞에 노점상을 하기로 했단다. 눈이 휘둥그런 그리스계 도넛삽 주인과 합의하고 블라우스를 걸쳐놓을 전깃줄도 매고 길을 쓸고 오는 중이란다.

작업용으로 쓰던 박스에 고무바퀴를 달고 그 위에 캔버스용 천을 덮으니 그럴듯한 좌판대가 됐다. 이른 아침 인파를 헤치고 손수레를 밀고 스튜디오에서 서너 불럭 떨어진 현장에 도착했다. 선글라스에 모자를 푹 눌러 쓴 우리 또래의 한인 부부가 혹시나 같은 품목을 팔지나 않을까? 긴장하다 남편이 꺼내는 블라우스를 보더니 표정이 부드럽게 바뀌었다.

혼자 장사하던 남편은 어쩌다 잘나가는 품목이 떨어지면 주변에 평소 이야기를 주고받던 홈리스에게 품목을 적은 쪽지를 주고 몇 불럭 떨어진 도매상에서 외상으로 배달시키곤 했다. 몇 푼 수고비를 쥐여주면 그는 신이 나서 리커스토어로 달려갔다.

“Check it out. Check it out.” 

남편이 소리치다 길 건너 Pearl Paint 미술재료상을 찾는 지인들이 남편의 체면을 고려해 피하든 말든 개의치 않고 불러 세우곤 했다. 체면보다 화장실 가는 일이 더 급했기 때문이다.

남편은 한여름 몇 개월로 끝난 자영업(?)이었지만, 옆에서 장사하는 부부는 겨울엔 빌딩 사이에서 가속력이 붙는 브로드웨이 북남풍 추위에 몸을 녹이려고 교대로 도넛삽을 들락거리며 장사했다. 결국, 그 부부는 맨해튼 브로드웨이 한인 타운 도매상 주인이 되었다. 어쩌다 마주치면 서로의 지나간 설움을 리와인드 시키느라 묵묵히 한동안 눈물어린 눈으로 쳐다본다.

우리와 젊은 시절을 함께 했던 친구들은 거의 모두 교수가 되었다. 어느 친구는 힘들었든 젊은 시절에 관해 이야기하는 것을 꺼리고, 어느 친구는 그 당시를 회상하며 눈시울을 적신다. 올해로 꼭 30년 전 이야기다.

Check it out

Several men in their early thirties gathered at the Grand Street Studio in downtown Manhattan. Their faces were quite different from ordinary days, as they drank alcohol and talked about the art discussions.

Most of them were artists who couldn’t leave New York and hard to live. They couldn’t find a suitable job because they had no useful major and lived on part-time basis.

They are tired of living a day by earning a day. But there was no money to start a business. "How about a paddler?" They talked with excitement as if they had come up with a great idea. But as usually, it ended as a meeting where only drank and smoked

"I finally got it." A few days after the meeting, my husband suddenly raised his voice in excited tone. I decided to make a street vendor in front of a doughnut shop in the corner of Broadway and Canal Street. I agreed with the owner of a Greek doughnut shop.

He put rubber wheels on the wooden box and covered it with the canvas cloth, making it a plausible stand. We walked through the early morning crowd to push the carts and arrive at the place. The Korean couple who were selling miscellaneous items next to us is nervous whether we can sell the same item. They looked at the blouses that my husband took out, their expression changes smoothly.

My husband was in a business alone. When successful items fell off, he used to give a small note to a known homeless and delivered it to a credit from a wholesaler a few blocks away. Grab a few bucks on homeless and he rushes to the liquor store in excitement.

"Check it out. Check it out." While my husband shouted on across the street Pearl Paint the acquaintances artists who were looking for art materials would call them regardless of whether they avoided the husband 's face or not. It is more urgent to go to the bathroom than face.

Although my husband was a business that ended up in the summer months, but in the winter the couple worked in and out of the doughnut shop alternately in order to warm themselves up in the icy cold.

The couple who sold miscellaneous goods next to us, became the owner of wholesaler in Korean Town, Manhattan. Whenever we meet, we look at each other 's past sorrow silently for a while.